Laughing and crying are two things I’m very good at.

MeeMaw made me laugh. She forcefed me Klondike bars and Bus’s popcorn, even when I didn’t want it. She made me watch Jeopardy. She told me stories about my dad playing basketball in high school (he didn’t play) and she told me stories about her friend named Fannie Wiper (she didn’t exist). She painted her nails and wore lipstick and felt naked without her makeup. She took me to the Dollar Store. She made me play the Dime Game. I talked to her for the last time on Monday and she told me that she wanted to send me money and to remind her to send a check once she got out of the hospital (hey MeeMaw! I’m still waiting on that check!).

MeeMaw made me cry. She took her last breath and I felt this weird rush of cold blood go through my body. I gasped and then yelled and ran out of the room. I crawled into a corner and started to hyperventilate. I’ve never felt like that before. Once I finally calmed down, I felt so much relief. Her pain was gone. She’s with my cousin Kent and my grandpa Francis and five of her siblings and her parents and all of her friends. I don’t know what happens when you die but what I do know is that my MeeMaw will enjoy whatever it is.

There were about twenty people who were there in the room when she died tonight. I hope that, one day, there are twenty people who care enough about me to rub my hands and my feet and tell me that “it’s time” when it’s time.

I love you, Mary Lou Bullock Watkins Spencer. Thank you for waiting for me to get there. You will never know how much that means to me.