December 21 Project. What did you start this year that you’re proud of?

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As I’ve stated many times this year, I’m a packrat. I get it from my parents who have a three car garage filled with boxes of junk and old furniture instead of cars. This year I made an effort to get rid of my junk and become less attached to objects. I think I’ve made a fairly good attempt to do so. I got rid of seven trashbags in my move from one apartment to another. I have four bags of clothes in my car (they just need to be dumped in a donation dumpster, but I’m halfway there). I’d say I’ve been fairly successful at that project.

Another project I’ve started is the project in which I stop being a terrible cook. My mom says that I’m nesting but I maintain that I’m just trying to become an adult. I’ve now made stir fry on my own, spaghetti sauce on my own, egg nog on my own and I’ve become a successful egg poacher. Next on the agenda is cooking Christmas dinner with my mom. Eep! I give myself an A for effort and a B for cooking success. (Pictures below)

December 8: Moment of peace. An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?
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My entry for this one covers not quite a moment of solitude, but instead a peaceful moment that I really needed to share with the people I love. I don’t know how many of you have been able to experience death when it “happens.” I have. As I wrote on my blog about four hours after my grandmother died, “I gasped and then yelled and ran out of the room. I crawled into a corner and started to hyperventilate. I’ve never felt like that before. Once I finally calmed down, I felt so much relief. Her pain was gone.”

I mean what I said about relief.

The two hours I spent in the hospital room were stressful. I cried so much that I ran out of tears. I got angry at selfish family members. I looked at my dad and hoped that, for once, I’d be able to comprehend what was going on in his head. My step-grandpa left about four minutes before she died, and once she left my dad ran to get him. He walked in slowly on his walker and said, “Is she gone?” We nodded and he screamed “PUDDIN’!” and collapsed in a chair next to her bed, sobbing. My dad cried (and I’ve only seen him cry twice before) and whispered,  “I’ve lost my best friend.” In the middle of all of this, I had the most intense panic attack of my life. It was like something out of a movie— but hey, I come from a family of actors and we do drama right.

Once the room cleared out and my wonderful great-aunt Ann made the arrangements to have her body taken to the funeral home, I sat in the room with my Mee-Maw and my dad, his sisters, my mom and my sister. And we just sat, in silence and looked at her. My grandmother had been slowly suffering for the last two years of her life and we all knew. And it was finally over. My head was clear. And (especially after the two most intense and painful hours of my life) I just appreciated the quiet and the peace and the amount of love in that room. And the relief. We just sat, waiting and breathing, with heads on each other’s shoulders and hands squeezing each other’s hands. And we loved.

So in order to not totally hate on 2009 and also not have a completely bad attitude, I’m going to participate in the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge. I think this will get me to start writing more frequently and also maybe appreciate more of 2009 than I do currently.

Since I’m starting late and don’t really have anything to write for the Dec. 7th entry, I’m going to go back and write for December 1st.

December 1 What was your best trip in 2009?

My best trip would have been the day trip I took to Milwaukee with Courtney sometime this spring. It was a very cheap and quick trip. We spent time doing something every single moment (good thing about a day trip, you’re rarely bored) and really enjoyed the places we visited (the art museum, the cute little Westport-like area). Courtney did a lot of research on places to visit and I really appreciate the thought she put into this trip. I’d really like to go back and visit— maybe next time the art museum won’t have to close its flaps early. I think this goes to show you that you don’t have to spend a ton of money or a ton of time somewhere to enjoy that place.

My second best trip would probably have been my Kansas City trip in mid-November. It was really good to be back in my hometown, visiting Kevin, and also be able see people I hadn’t seen in a long time. I’m starting to enjoy weekend trips and this was a good example of a really wonderful weekend away.