Yesterday I had to pause outside of the Starbucks on Chicago near State.

There’s a small table in the front that sits next to a large window. I sat at that table in August 2008 and frantically filled out my application for the first floor apartment of my dreams at 2009 N. California Avenue. I remember feeling nervous, shaky, hoping I could get the “dream apartment” I toured that afternoon.

During that trip to Chicago (and definitely after) I was scared out of my mind, terrified by the thought of moving. I had decided to quit my job, get rid of my belongings, and move to a huge city without any money. There were times when I wanted to stay in Lawrence, assuming that if I moved to Chicago “the worst” would happen. There were times in Chicago I was sure I had made the wrong decision.

But for those 45 minutes in that Starbucks, I wasn’t scared. I was excited for my future, excited that I had found the perfect apartment. I knew that it was meant to be, that I was supposed to have that perfect apartment and I’d find the perfect job and have the perfect life to match. I saw it as a sign. A sign.

I got the apartment. It was far from perfect. My job and my life weren’t perfect either. But, God, I have no regrets.

I don’t know where this is going. But I stood outside that Starbucks yesterday and wished I believed in myself more. I mean, I do believe in myself. Sometimes. But it took me seeing that dream apartment to convince myself (and that was only temporary) that my decision was the right one. I need to figure out how to pull the trigger without that “sign” and still believe that I can have a happy ending.

Yesterday at the market, one of our new volunteers (Linda) talked to me for an hour about being on a gluten-free diet. Her husband has been on a very strict gluten-free diet for two years. His energy has increased so much and the headaches and stomachaches he was so used to are just gone. He lost nine pounds in the first two weeks.

I’m seriously considering switching to a gluten-free diet. I have been so low energy for my whole life and it has gotten worse in the past few years. I have regular headaches and my stomach is always hurting. I don’t think I have celiac disease (my friend/roommate in college had it and I know that whatever I have is not as serious as celiac disease) but I do think that switching to a gluten-free diet would be worth a shot.

Most of the foods I already eat are gluten-free. I eat wheat pasta and wheat bread so I’d have to get rid of that. Linda suggested switching to rice noodles but didn’t have a good bread substitute. I wouldn’t be able to drink beer and I’d have to be careful about the types of liquor I consume— the good news is that Seagram’s 7 is gluten free. Many candies are not gluten free as they’re often dusted with flour. I’d have to be extra careful while going out to eat, which I think is the biggest factor. I’d also have to be careful about preparing my lunch in the mornings before I leave for work.

I’m thinking that I may switch on February 1st. I want to make sure I have a grasp of all of the gluten-free safe foods and what foods/ingredients to avoid. I also want to make sure I have an arsenal of recipes, etc. before I switch over. But I’m strongly considering it. Has anyone had an experience or any knowledge of a gluten-free diet?

Today I made my grandma’s spaghetti and totally. Effed. It. Up. A waste of an hour and a half and $10-15. Last time I made it, I messed up the pasta which was an easy fix. This time the biggest part was burned and just tasted like crap.

I thought I was getting better (now that I’m more attentive when I cook) but the last few things I’ve made have been bad and this was a complete disaster. It’s just discouraging. That’s all I have to say about it.

Anyway, spaghetti try #2— D+.

Well, I turned twenty-five this Saturday.

It was a pretty good day. I went to brunch at Sola with Courtney and her mom, and I’ve been wanting to go there for a long time. The food and blood orange mimosas were delicious, of course. After that, I went home and watched KU basketball and followed the breaking news about our new football hire, Turner Gill. I watched a Hitchcock movie, talked to loved ones on the phone and ended the night at the Long Room with my good Chicago friends.

Oh, and walked home in 30 degree rain with no shoes on. Cool.

Twenty-four was interesting. I don’t know that I need to review it for myself, so I’ll spare all of you.

What will twenty-five be like? Who knows. I have my set of resolutions that I’m calling The Grand Plan. I hope to be a healthier, debt-free (lol), decent cook with a better idea of what I want to do with my life. I’ve set my direction, now I just have to…move that way.

Thanks to everyone who made my twenty-fourth year enjoyable.

From Antichrist, which I wanted to see but probably won’t anytime soon…

On Sunday, I had hangover brunch (which included a Matilda or two and bacon and chocolate pancakes [WHAT?!]) at Chaise Lounge with some lady (and gentleman) friends. Between hangover brunch and Mad Men, I took a little nap.

Of course, during said nap, I kicked my laptop off of my bed and its adapter jack broke and slipped back into my computer.

Mreh.

And now I have to replace the motherboard to my Dell Inspiron whatever whatever and be without a computer for approximately two weeks. Fortunately (I guess) I’m paying less than $300 to get it fixed. But still, two weeks without a computer…help.

I’m on borrowed time (really, borrowed computer) so here are some quick updates:

• Mad Men season ended. Good season, am I right? I’m sad I have to wait another nine months to watch it again.
• That reminds me, only a few months until Lost starts up again. WEEEE I’m excited!
• Someone broke into my car a few weeks ago and smashed a window. I still need to get that fixed.
• I’ll be in Kansas City for next weekend (the 21st-ish). Thinking about coordinating a brunch get-together for anyone who is interested.
• I get to see the doctor tomorrow for the first time in more than a year. That’s good mostly because I need my drugs.
• I’ll be going to Texas for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• My birthday is in a month (as of tomorrow, 11-12). I was thinking about my “TGP” today and that I’ve mostly only lived up to one aspect of it (making an effort to be social). I think that I am going to further develop TGP and then implement it starting on 12-12 (my 25th birthday). It will be better for me to set goals that are measurable and have actual dates.
• Currently reading Lolita, listening to the Zombies and studying as much as I (think I) can.

I think that’s all. Hopefully in a few weeks I’ll have a brand new motherboard (that sounds like something Buster would like) and I’ll stop with the lazy updates.