I’ve had a really traumatic three weeks (really 1-2 traumatic days and some really crappy days surrounding them) and today I came home to my boyfriend’s news that his mom (who is a survivor of liver cancer and about to hit her twenty year anniversary of getting a liver transplant) has thyroid cancer.

Ugh.

I’ve leaned pretty hard on him for the past few weeks and now he’ll have to lean on me since his ordeal is more urgent than mine. I really hate growing up sometimes.

• My dog is far from perfect. She bites my fingers on accident and tends to get a little too excited around the time I want to sleep, sleep, sleep. And, man, she farts a lot. And I don’t spend nearly enough time with her.
• Oh. My cat. HATES. HER. 
• I love them both.
• Kevin and I are doing well. Occasionally, we have little spats over things like him not cutting the fat off of my steak before grilling it (yes, I’m dumb). Thankfully he doesn’t hold grudges so I can’t either. It is a million times better than the 1 and 1/12ths years we spent doing the long distance thang. And I am NEVER doing that again. Free neck rubs!
• Whitney talked me into joining Jazzercise. I’ve been paired off with some girl named Mitsi (seriously!) and we’re competing to attend 60 times in June/July. My calves hurt. Old ladies get way too excited about dancing to “Its raining men.” There’s this one warm-up song that makes me think of the “L Word.” It is a fairly excellent way to spend a few hours every week.
• Also, I’ve re-re-restarted cooking. It’s going…fine. I should eventually look at the 54 cookbooks random people purchased for me. You know? Yeah. I should really be better at doing this.
• I haven’t done much work towards making friends in Kansas City. I’m in a weird position because I already had a few friends here and my boyfriend is here and sometimes I enjoy (really, really enjoy) being lazy. I should probably do more to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people. Eh?
• I should work on my vocabulary.

Wink does not approve of this post.

My little sister (far left) graduated from Savannah College of Art and Design today!

Now comes the fun part (finding a job). Also, the girl on the right looks like Miley Cyrus. Hmmmm…

shanelife:

(via jeffisageek, thatisawesome)

YEP.

Love it. /nerd

Yesterday I went to Pet Smart to buy a toy for my cat. On the way in, we stopped by the adoption tent in the parking lot and completely fell in love.

Her name is Hazel and she’s five months old. She’s about twenty pounds now, and I’ve always grown up around yappy, five pound dogs so this should be interesting. She should be about seventy pounds when she’s full grown. They weren’t 100% sure what she was (maybe part pit, part lab, part boxer?) so we’re taking her to the vet next week to find out. She’s been with a foster family for a few months and that family has a few cats, so I think she should get along well with Wink. She’s really good with little kids and other dogs and she doesn’t bark. At all. I’ll be interested to see what my cat tries to do to her. Anyway, she’s great and we love her. I’ve wanted a dog for a really long time and always thought it would be a little terrier, but she’s perfect.

This is not a goodbye post. I love Chicago and I’d like to return someday. This is a “so long for now” post.

The last year and a half has been great in so many ways. I’ve had some incredible times. I’ve learned a lot. I’ve certainly been disappointed and had my heart broken a few times but I think the lessons were worth it. I know I covered that already in my announcement post. But I’m leaving feeling satisfied.

My bucket list has been mostly fulfilled. I did end up making it to the Violet Hour and the Field Museum. I’ll definitely be back to see the Bulls play and to make it to Second City and to see Wrigley Field at least once, no matter how much I am NOT a Cubs fan. And of course, I hope to make it back for a few Blackhawks games.

Thank you to everyone who did their best to make my time in Chicago great. I truly appreciated it. I love you all and I can’t wait to come back and visit (and, of course, if you need a place to stay in Kansas City…). I made some great friends here and had two of the greatest co-workers on the planet. I won’t forget.

So, that’s it. So long, Chicago. I hope to see you soon.

Big news: I’m moving to Kansas City. Next Wednesday. Cool?

For those who don’t know, I grew up in Kansas City. I have many friends and many networking connections there. I’ve also been in a long-distance relationship for over a year with a guy who goes to grad school there. The distance has been excruciating. Not only has it been extremely difficult emotionally, it has also cost us both a LOT of money. I also haven’t been able to visit my family as much (in Texas and Alabama) because there just isn’t enough money or vacation time, and it’s made me sad. There are other personal reasons for moving to Kansas City that I’d rather not divulge because, uh, I want to SORT OF have some privacy. But those are some big reasons.

I moved to Chicago more than 1.5 years ago and it’s been an interesting ride. I definitely wouldn’t change my decision to move here and most of the things that have happened to me since I arrived. I took a pretty big risk by moving here without money or a job and I think that it’s paid off. While I’ve lost in some ways, I’ve also learned so much about myself and what my priorities are and what is important to me. I think that I spent a lot of my life being afraid, scared to disappoint other people and unwilling to put my priorities over theirs. I grew up and that was ultimately my goal. I’ve finally figured out that I need to do me, and this is what I have to do.

I tend to over-explain things so here’s the shortcut:

I made this decision, on my own. It was tough. I am sad about leaving Chicago and some of the people here. But I am very, very happy.

I don’t have a job set up in Kansas City so if you happen to have leads that involve non-profits or marketing or social media or something along any of those lines I would love it if you sent them my way (here is my linkedin page). I will be doing freelance work for Green City Market until they hire a replacement and I’ll also be (I think) doing part time work somewhere in the city until I find that job.

The support that I’ve received has been phenomenal thus far and I can’t even express what it has meant. Thank you so much. For everything.

December 8: Moment of peace. An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?
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My entry for this one covers not quite a moment of solitude, but instead a peaceful moment that I really needed to share with the people I love. I don’t know how many of you have been able to experience death when it “happens.” I have. As I wrote on my blog about four hours after my grandmother died, “I gasped and then yelled and ran out of the room. I crawled into a corner and started to hyperventilate. I’ve never felt like that before. Once I finally calmed down, I felt so much relief. Her pain was gone.”

I mean what I said about relief.

The two hours I spent in the hospital room were stressful. I cried so much that I ran out of tears. I got angry at selfish family members. I looked at my dad and hoped that, for once, I’d be able to comprehend what was going on in his head. My step-grandpa left about four minutes before she died, and once she left my dad ran to get him. He walked in slowly on his walker and said, “Is she gone?” We nodded and he screamed “PUDDIN’!” and collapsed in a chair next to her bed, sobbing. My dad cried (and I’ve only seen him cry twice before) and whispered,  “I’ve lost my best friend.” In the middle of all of this, I had the most intense panic attack of my life. It was like something out of a movie— but hey, I come from a family of actors and we do drama right.

Once the room cleared out and my wonderful great-aunt Ann made the arrangements to have her body taken to the funeral home, I sat in the room with my Mee-Maw and my dad, his sisters, my mom and my sister. And we just sat, in silence and looked at her. My grandmother had been slowly suffering for the last two years of her life and we all knew. And it was finally over. My head was clear. And (especially after the two most intense and painful hours of my life) I just appreciated the quiet and the peace and the amount of love in that room. And the relief. We just sat, waiting and breathing, with heads on each other’s shoulders and hands squeezing each other’s hands. And we loved.